The Baby Boomers are facing a reckoning. Technically, everyone born between 1944 and 1964 is part of a population explosion in the U.S. that occurred when returning servicemen and a bunch of victorious and optimistic folks started families, and fueled unprecedented growth that propelled the American Age through the second half of the 20th Century. As Millennials, and Gens X, Y, and Z move into position to lead civilization into the future, the Boomers are wrestling with their place in a rapidly graying society.
I never really felt a part of the Baby Boomers. Most of us born in 1960 or later were too late for a lot of the milestones that define a generation. Sure, The Beatles were influential, but I was 10 when they broke up. Some of our older siblings were hippies or went to Vietnam, or protested the war, and we all felt the effects of the upheaval. My peers and I were there, but when the ‘Boomer’ generation was referenced, we were on the fringes and never felt a part of the revolution.
My family actually straddled three generations. My oldest brother, Chris was born in 1941, with my other brother and sister following in 2-year intervals. The Gentiles were a bouncing family of 5 heading into the 50’s. Fifteen years after my sister’s arrival, my coming upon the scene was quite the talk among my parents’ friends. Most of them had children preparing for college and my 47 year-old Father and 43 year-old Mother were quickly excluded from the bridge club and cocktail parties that had filled the years prior. Not my fault, but it was what it was. My sister and I were always close, but I grew up with limited contact with my older brothers.
Last week, my last and oldest sibling, Chris Gentile passed away. He was 83 and had been on a steady decline for a couple of years. I’m not going to say ‘it’s a blessing’ or ‘he’s in a better place’, because I don’t know if that’s true. I do know that it was probably time for his body to give up.
Until the last decade or so, my brother was a bit of an unknown entity to me. He was out of the house by the time I was brought home from the hospital; married and moved cross-country by the time I was in 1st grade; and by the time he moved back, he was a big-time ad executive working nonstop. We would interact at family functions, and holidays, and once my niece and nephew were born, I would see them but Kit as we called him, was always a fleeting presence.
When my brother Jeff passed away a few years ago, that left just me and Kit. My sister Michelle had died way too young in 2013. In talking to my niece and nephew, we all mentioned the stoic persona that seems so prevalent in the small Gentile family. We all laughed about how we didn’t really know much about those who came before. I set out to make a dent in that. I set up a weekly call with Kit, telling him that it was just to stay in touch, but I had other goals.
I grew up very differently from my siblings. I truly had little concept of just how different until I started learning about their lives before I showed up from my brother. For them, it was kind of a ‘Happy Days’ existence. Very traditional 50s; stay-at-home mom, all three kids enrolled in Catholic private school, with a live-in housekeeper. They all excelled in sports, with both Kit and Jeff having opportunities to play in college. What I found out was both of them squandered their chances in pursuit of girls and beer, (My brother Jeff used to tell me that he watched ‘Animal House’ like it was a documentary) with Kit finally getting a degree and falling into a job at Young & Rubicam advertising. It was the early ‘60s, Detroit was booming and the automobile was king. My brother was at the heart of the car advertising business for the next 40 years.
In the course of our discussions, he gave me an overview of how advertising evolved from the ‘60s (think ‘Mad Men’) to the 70’s all the way until the end of the 20th Century. His drive and thirst for knowledge put him in positions to lead many co-workers who were decades younger in the youth-obsessed ad biz. My brother was there for all of it. He was on top of every technological leap, from cable TV to PCs to cell phones and digital photography. He was always on the cutting edge of innovative ideas.
The family mythology is full of Kit’s exploits from athletic prowess, (threw no-hitters in Little League and high school) to his intensity in completing an array of projects. Perhaps the greatest of these was planning and executing the renovations and sale of the family homestead in the wake of my mom’s eventual passing.
Our calls continued for a few years until his health limited his memory and energy after the pandemic. But it was a vital lifeline for both of us, building a foundation of memories and understanding of various items missing in our family’s story. We got to know and love each other and felt like true brothers at last. I wish we had started sooner.
As I say farewell to my last sibling, I am so thankful for the gifts left behind. Kit’s kids from his first marriage with Janet, who was very kind when I was small and sort of an older sibling to me, have become great family touchstones themselves. Christine and Michael with their spouses, Ken and Nadia have built beautiful families that will continue the legacy. I’m proud to combine my little family with the ones in Michigan to build new memories filled with love and laughter.
With the Boomer generation fading from the stage more and more every day, their absence creates perspectives to be explored moving forward. Get ready…Mick Jagger, Paul McCartney, Bob Dylan, and all of the legends from the music of our youth…are all in their 80s. Still touring, by the way, but even Rock & Roll gods will have to exit eventually. In the meantime, Bon voyage, Kit…on to matters of light, and may your memory always be a blessing.
Such good writing. Genuine, smart, and a pleasure to read. And fantastic that you breached the divide with your brother.
What a beautiful tri to your brother, and family, Jon, in so very sorry for your loss, but so happy for the beautiful memories that surround you.